Alaska: Valdez - "I have lens envy"

Captain Fred and the Lulu Belle didn't come higher billed or even necessarily that much cheaper than the competition. They left earlier. Not by much either, a half hour or so. This is decision making with Greta, they had what we wanted and chances are that once aboard things can't vary much, after all, we're looking for animals and glaciers, not chasing five star dining and palatial cabins with bellboys.

Things got off to a slow start and Greta - the corrosive influence that she is - had redirected my sense of humour from drier than the Sahara to something altogether a little more absurd. After an encounter with a flotilla of sea otters (swoon) Captain Fred took us to see the salmon fishing boats further up the fjord. He narrates this straight faced while Greta and I borrow heavily from Attenborough as we describe how exciting it is to see the fishing boats thriving in their natural habitats after years of being threatened by invasive animal rights activists and the nuisance of an oil spill.

Fishing boats in their natural habitat voraciously chasing salmon up and down the fjord!
... and a yacht that I was actually trying to get a shot of.

Like I said, absurdity was settling in.

While on the bow narrating farcically to no one in particular beside ourselves, a camera toting girl politely interjects with, "I have lens envy". This paved the way for an afternoon of camera talk, much banter, unsubtle flirting and further narrative absurdity that probably peaked with the threat of giving a detailed and entirely erroneous geological history of the surrounding area for my own perverse amusement because, "tourists are idiots and it's not like anyone remembers anything that's said anyway". Karcy seems amused, but also wary of any further talk of geology. It was probably for the best.

These mountains, made by raining mud at the flick of that gull's wings. Maybe.

Fred's narration is brilliant. Cheeky and wily in an older-uncle sort of way, he knows his office of twenty seven years intimately. At Columbia Glacier - a tidal glacier - we park up to observe it calving. An already less than great day, the icefields of the glacier positively dominate the local weather to the point where it becomes downright miserable and cold.

Impressive.

This is my impressed face. Serious.

Undeterred, it's just the two of us on the bow watching the glacier, waiting for something to happen over the course of a little over an hour. Meanwhile, everyone else has elected to instead endorse freshly baked brownies and coffee, like regular sensible people and Greta. Fred indicates that he believes a section of glacier is about to collapse just off of our bow and not five seconds later a significant portion of the wall shears off into the water.

Fred did this. Somehow. He's the cause of global warming and the glaciers disappearing.

I am now convinced that Fred is some sort of soothsayer or telekinetic wizard. He looks like a friendlier more naval version of the Emperor. Maybe he is force sensitive. Who knows. He sees shit in the future and he makes stuff happen with his mind. It's pretty cool.

There were of course animals, otters were plentiful as were the sea lions and a particularly obliging humpback whale.

"Oh hi!"
This is the most adorable thing in the world.

Whereas the whale just flipped us off a couple of times.

... and the sea lion just barked at all his women in his harem.

Just get on boats in Alaska. Even if you don't see any animals it's still pretty impressive.