South Africa: Gordon's Bay, Betty's Bay and Hermanus

My last full day in South Africa was also the first day that we stepped more or less in line with some sort of conventional tourism. The day didn't have much of a plan, in fact traveling to Hermanus was only whimsically suggested the night before after dinner and a (fair) bit to drink. With this change of tact, a flagrant disregard for the GPS's suggestions and very little purpose, this is exactly where you may expect luck to turn south.

What followed was instead one of the very best days of a holiday I've ever had.

We gave up on the GPS at about the Strand choosing to get off highways and instead follow the eastern coast of False Bay from Gordon's Bay to Betty's Bay, putting us firmly in "spectacular coastline" territory complete with a tight and windy road that had the motorcyclist in me beyond excited.

Stopping semi-regularly (once every four or five bays) "wows" were exchanged and shutters hammered. Perhaps it's important to note about now that from Gordon's Bay to Hermanus the patch of road following the coast is signposted as "the whale route" as it surely forms part of the reason why we found a good quality pair of binoculars abandoned at a vantage point we stopped at for photos.

Our good fortune was only warming up.

So it turns out that Betty's Bay is host to a penguin colony. Following a boardwalk we were led past thousands of penguins at various stages in the moulting process. Comical and as occasionally cute as they were, the thing about penguin colonies (in my sample size of three) is that they smell bad. Somewhere between Cliff's room and Cliff's car bad.

By the time we'd arrived at Hermanus (a further forty km) the smell was long forgotten.

I'd actually been to Hermanus before, on the way back to Cape Town from shark diving in Gansbaii in December 2011. Our guide Brian had stopped the bus there to talk a little about the town and let us wander the cliffs overlooking the water before moving on. Essentially, Hermanus is a seasonal tourist town (August - November) for one very simple and wonderful reason, you can watch whales from the pubs and hotels situated on these cliffs. They breach and lobtail so close that were you in the water, you'd be in violation of the maritime exclusion zone around them.

Finding binoculars was lucky but they were really quite superfluous.

Bianka won the whale spotting race, spying some broken water beyond protruding rocks in the bay, maybe 150m from us. I'd actually already seen it and at her pointing it out, dismissed it by suggesting that it was just some surf over submerged rocks related to the protruding ones infront of it.

Moments later I was eating humble pie as a whale spectacularly breached and flopped on its back, right where the broken water was.

I'm also a little ashamed to say that it took maybe forty minutes to discover that a pub over our shoulders offered much the same vantage point and beer.

Our afternoon disappeared into a few hours with whales for entertainment. There were at least three of them, one favouring breaching, another lobtailing (sometimes in concert) and a third most certainly only a calf. With the afternoon winding down and the light beginning to get warmer with the setting sun, we headed back to Paarl on the same route, my hope being that I'd be able to get some photos of False Bay with the Cape Peninsula silhouetted by yellows, oranges and pinks.

We pulled up at a spot I thought best and Bianka spotted a southern right whale calving at the bottom of the cliff while I was looking for a place to have a piss.

We really were stupidly lucky.

South Africa: Clanwilliam

Set in the Cederberg mountains, Clanwilliam is stupidly pretty. We stayed about twenty five kilometers eastish of the town past a couple of mountain passes on a property owned by friends of Bianka's. Nestled in a valley with hiking and climbing trails quite literally on its doorstep, it is with no hesitation or slaving to hyperbole that I'd say this is the most outrageously beautiful patch of land that doubles as someone's home that I've ever been to.

JP and Tracy were excellent hosts. Tracy occupied much of Bianka's time leaving JP to detail his life as a reporter for crime and conflict in Johannesburg to me ("they gave you a bulletproof vest with a couple of plates missing so you had to decide beforehand if you were going to be a hero or a coward"). Between meals and beers there was opportunity for a small hike and two short walks, further ramming home how beautiful this part of the world is.

I really can't see myself tiring of gorges carved by prehistoric glaciers, waterfalls, rock pools and meandering rivers set amongst mountains but if it does happen, it's certainly not Clanwilliam's fault. When I say I'd like to one day pack up, go bush and forget about people and their things, this is the sort of country I'm thinking of.

South Africa: Elandsbaii

After arriving and unpacking (our accommodation was a colonial style Dutch beach house, owned by friends of Bianka's), it didn't take too long to discover a bar at the end of a cul-de-sac which probably constituted the town's main strip. Sitting at the edge of the street we had a view of the petrol station, hotel (it looked like a prison), beach and perhaps most crucially, the police station.

The ensuing eight hours sailed by with each round of drinks seeming to elicit either new companions or wilder goings-on and stories. Initially, a South African couple sat by us. Inside of twenty minutes he had my email address and was trying to sign me up to a copper mine in the DRC.

Chantal and Cornel would appear at the next round and stay with us through the night. Handily, they were the proprietors.

Burnouts and some argie-bargie by the hotel.
Another round.
Local getting dragged into lock-up by the cops at the station.
Another round.
Locals protesting local's incarceration.
Another round.
Cornel telling me of how he supported Kevin Bloody Wilson on a cruise ship.
Another round.
Cornel explaining his broken hand and arm was due to trying to jump onto a sprinkbok from a car doing 100km/hr. He missed.
Another round.
Listening to Kevin Bloody Wilson and Rodney Rude at Cornel's insistence instead of Bob Marley.
Another round.
Somewhere in amongst this, shots were being presented too.
Then a seafood platter on the house appeared.

The night is a haze but how this sort of supreme luck (the food and much of the drinks in the latter part of the evening were free) and hospitality continues more or less unabated in my travels is beyond me but absolutely welcome.

South Africa: Hopefield; Bees and Beers

Mid Friday afternoon I was handed the keys and received instruction and passable directions to drive to Hopefield as Bianka was too boozed to tailgate drivers for an hour and a half. Presumably escaping her attention was the fact that I'd had just as much to drink as she had (three beers over three hours, in case anyone is too concerned about the state I was in).

The landscape quickly flattens out to the north of Paarl and the green of the vineyards wedged between mountains is replaced with rolling hills coloured straw brown by paddocks of wheat. Sadly, we were out of the wine barrel and into the food bowl. The property we were staying at in Hopefield is a bee farm managed by Bianka's mum and stepfather. Pierre farms the honey and Helena uses the beeswax, propolis and assorted other bee related things to then produce healthcare items ranging from body scrubs to disinfectants. This is all done on site in a backroom which doubled as a braii room and the venue for much of the evening's (heavy) drinking.

While I can't say that it's ever been a life goal of mine to get pleasantly inebriated in the heart of the healthcare production line, the company and setting made for an inimitable and unique experience a long way from the backpacking trail I'd plundered a year previous. This would quickly become the strong and inescapable theme for the week.

South Africa: Arrival & Paarl

Nanga friends will recall my demands with respect to jetlag (punish me if I complain) and my attitude to defeating it (drink heavily, sleep little). In the days leading up to my departure I explained this as an  MO to Bianka and it required very little persuasion for me to head straight to Fairview - a vineyard in the Western Cape - to sample eleven wines and eight cheeses sometime before midday. Built at the base of a small mountain, the estate is picturesque. It was the sort of setting that would comfortably make all but the best Margaret River vineyards turn green with envy.

Apparently, this is more or less standard.

Bianka - a friend that I made last time out - would be my company for most of the week, a stark contrast to my last visit where for all intents and purposes I was on my lonesome and followed my nose for six weeks. A possessor of Gauteng numberplates (they render road rules mere suggestions), she mixed immense impatience with open and total tolerance where each was most appropriate, is excellent at picking and arranging accommodation while being a terrible guide. Finally, and perhaps most luckily, her knack for spotting large aquatic mammals would much later become a huge boon.

Not wanting to lose any sort of drinking momentum, that afternoon we relocated to Spiers, a former Dutch homestead converted to a vineyard even more enthralling than Fairview. Including a bird park (lots of cages a bit sad), the grounds are massive and simply gorgeous. Strolling aimlessly for an hour or so, we finished at a purveyor of mojitos (Bianka's only prerequisite) and I recommenced my love affair with Windhoek Draught.

The setting sun ushered in dinner, providing a buffet option that included Impala steaks. A quick, easy and delicious decision followed.