Egypt: Valley of the Queen - Temple of Hatshepsut

Largely rebuilt, it's hard to know what to make of the Valley of the Queen. From afar it's impressive. Built into the end of an open valley is a temple that perhaps everyone is vaguely aware of when they think of Egypt, but probably unsure of its purpose or history.

Fully restored. It feels like cheating.

The story behind the temple is pretty great; the Queen had little right to the throne but got there by expelling her stepson (very young and the rightful heir) from Thebes and assuming the role of Queen by telling people her father was Amun-Ra. For reasons that aren't totally clear to me, she then dressed as a man for a few decades until she died and her stepson came back to claim the throne. In doing so, he laid waste to everything and anything she built, except for the obelisks because apparently they're too sacred (unless you're French, but that's a story for Luxor Temple...).

Game of Thrones eat your heart out.

If ever I purchase a house, I want this guy on the letterbox.

Egypt: Karnak Temple

Karnak Temple is reputedly the largest religious complex on the planet, although I'd like to defer to an impartial fact checker before completely endorsing it. A road between it and Luxor Temple was recently discovered and so naturally the Egyptians began bulldozing hotels, houses and shops that had been built over it in the last three thousand years or so. That it is lined with sphinxes is surely enough to quell any would-be Dale Kerrigan led movements.

A lot of Karnak Temple is closed off to the public, be that due to restoration - using cranes for this seems like cheating, no? - or ongoing excavation. The columned room after the first courtyard is imposing; 134 columns, intact and tightly packed give it the feeling of walking through a stone forest. Tourists can disappear in under ten paces... so that's what I did.

Columns!

I doubt Peter will ever understand this, but his guided tour is lackluster. It's basically a rerun of Habu Temple and Valley of the Kings. Is that a fair criticism? If these monuments are built to the same gods for the same purpose, won't each of these have an element of sameness to them anyway?

Peter takes my wandering poorly. He tries to scold me for wasting the group's time as they waited for me (a whole two minutes). I return fire with the hour we spent at a tourist shop that none of us wanted to be at, then the over priced buffet that only two of us ate at but we all went to.

He looks angry.

Is it my fault that he got this group of people? This souvenir averse, streetwise bunch of adventurers? It's an uncomfortable marriage.

After a holy room past some obelisks he gives us some free time - a half hour - I use it to follow a few people on a photography tour (I'm not convinced they know what they're doing; there's a lot of expensive gear and grey hair on show but the questions being asked are... concerning) before throwing my lot in with a few people from our group, Muna from Canada, Devvrat from India and Alejandro from the Dominican Republic.

A man follows me for a bit, essentially photobombing. Then he gets indignant, grabs my arm and demands money for my taking his photo.

I have trouble with this. Is he some sort of nefarious scumbag or are things here that desperate? I protest and walk away, he spins me around. I cuss. Presumably, he does too. He disappears, with a pound. What else to do in an otherwise fucked situation?

Caption suggestions welcome, I have nothing nice to say.

Karnak Temple is pretty cool though. As to whether or not Ramesses II was responsible for it or not is of little consequence to me. Egyptologists posit that it predates him and he simply came through and wrote his name all over it like some sort of architectural graffiti artist. Well played to him either way. The enjoyment to be found here for me is in the private moments, just wandering and appreciating the place for what it is.

Sadly, those moments are genuinely hard to come by.

Egypt: The Beginning of Monument Fatigue; Valley of the Kings

Luxor - I've been reliably informed by a jealous archaeologist - is considered one of the world's best "open air museums". Within a half hour's drive are the Valley of the Kings, Valley of the Queen, Valley of the Monkey (I'm not making this up), Valley of the Nobles, Habu Temple, Karnak Temple, Temple of Luxor and the Temple of Catchimitsup, to name a few.

I fiercely ridiculed a friend of mine a few years ago for saying, "oh, it's just more elephants" while on safari in Chobe, Botswana. I'll stop short of making a similar remark, but will say this much, for someone with a passing and reasonably undeveloped interest in the ancient world, Luxor has a lot available to see and explore that is not always discernibly different, save for its relative geography. These temples, ruins and monuments are impressive  but without a knowledgeable guide or a full blown passion for the subject material, travelling from one to the other can feel a little like herding.

Peter - our guide for the West Bank - was probably always going to struggle. In our midst was a Canadian, embittered from years in China and Libya, who took contrarianism and Devil's Advocacy to levels that paint me as positively docile and agreeable. Make no mistake, this is a man made tolerable only by knowing that you never have to see him again.

Heading to the Valley of the Kings first, I passed my 2005-spec-student-ID to the man at the gate, wrapped with enough Egyptian pounds for student entry. He looks at it, then at me, hat and sunglasses poorly masking nine years of time travel, hardly aided by the bushy beard on show.

His eyes narrow as he says, "you help me, I help you."

I give him 10 pound more (somewhere short of $2). He accepts. I can hardly fault his dishonesty given the context of my own. This sets the tone for the rest of the day, the UWA ID works, even after they notice the last sticker was issued in 2010. Apparently, my hostel sells "valid" student ID anyway, but at 100 pounds a go, mine and a bribe works out cheaper.

The more you know.

This is a useful lens to view Egypt through. Ever since every developed country on the planet revised their, "reconsider travel" to "do not travel" warnings, most tourists have paid heed to them. In a town like Luxor whose only serious industry is tourism, when money walks in, competition for it is fierce but not always intuitive. For services, the price seems to race to the bottom, for goods - food especially - menus and prices are shuffled to a tourist price and away from an "Egyptian price", a phrase I've grown to loathe. At attractions, well, the price is a student price plus whatever you can negotiate without causing a scene, typically somewhere in the vicinity of an extra 10-15%.

A ticket into the Valley of the Kings gives you access to any three of a dozen or so tombs with the exception of Tuthmoses and one of the eleven Rameses, these are purchased as standalones. Peter leaves us be, giving little away. Guides aren't allowed here, nor is photography (not that it stopped officials taking pictures for brochures and postcards...). Rameses IV is our first tomb, it's not terribly long or deep but every surface is covered in hieroglyphics, scenes with Horus, Amun Ra, Anubis and Rameses IV. The level of detail and precision is remarkable.

The iconography in Merentpah's tomb is less impressive and colourful but it's deep. Really, really deep. These tombs are prepared in the pharaoh's lifetime (+40 days for the mummification) so I guess it's altogether possible that Merentpah lost out a little in optimising that "audacious digging" against "ornate decoration".

It could happen to anyone, really.

Rameses III nailed it though. A meandering tomb with some seriously impressive depicted scenes on show, besides accidentally gatecrashing an adjacent tomb, this man's slaves got it very right.

This is where the tour gets frustrating, the place we go to next is a "traditional alabaster carving house", the purpose of which is for us to learn how the pots were made in ancient times. I call bullshit first, saying to Peter that it sounds like a souvenir shop and I wasn't interested. He stiffens at the accusation... then the Canadian savages him bluntly and tactlessly. He's a surgeon with a sledgehammer. It's incredible and tragic in equal measure. Peter breaks down and confesses he's on commission. We go to the traditional alabaster carving house. It even has eftpos.

We sit there for an hour, doing nothing. People talk at us, trying to sell things. No one budges. We can't leave. All so that Peter can get his five percent commission...

... but five percent of nothing is still nothing.

It's a tough thing to be witness to, you can see that there was a very large tourist industry here and everyone involved with it are fighting over the unpalatable dregs that ignore travel warnings in the pursuit of adventure. We were never predisposed to souvenir based tourism and were it not for those that are now conspicuously absent in the Egyptian travel-scape, probably wouldn't have been subjected to this. Instead, everyone wins an uncomfortable marriage of opposing agendas for the day.